Chemistry

Most dating experts will tell you that while feeling immediately drawn to someone you can also feel really "special" and "irreplaceable" at the moment, chemistry is also something that can be created. As the name implies, it's all about the blending of different elements which results in a unique compound. Sometimes when we meet someone new, our body immediately recognizes that their specific blend of elements is just right and subsequently an energetical bond is formed.
If you find yourselves constantly feeling physically pulled towards each other, then there's a pretty good chance there will be some serious fireworks when your lips do finally lock. When you’re drawn to someone because of chemistry, it’s like magnets. You can’t just be in a room together, you have to be near each other.

While the drive to be physically near one another can be pretty intense to manage, it's definitely a sign that the physical connection between the two of you would be fire. When you find yourselves holding hands, kissing, caressing without even realizing, it’s because you’ve got great chemistry. This is a sign that you’re not just drawn to each other, but that you really want to be connected, physically, at all times. If you're enjoying a night out with someone new that you have yet to kiss but notice a spark when their hand lingers for a second longer than necessary, or you catch yourself finding any excuse to touch them, then that's certainly good news.

You daydream about being with them, you fantasize about being with them and you plan what you want to do when you’re not with them. This is a sign you have great chemistry together. Chemistry is one of those things that can be difficult to put into words or even talk about in a completely rational way. And while it's usually pretty easy to tell when your feeling particularly in sync with someone, the only way to know for sure is to kiss them and see what happens....

Communication : Deal breaker

Recently, I realise too often, a conversation results in wasted time and nothing productive to show for it. Have you came across those who give one word replies, filler words or only use emoji mostly when replying your text? There is also some who ask you same questions every time to start a conversation. Which might be convenient for them but it clearly shows that the person not interested in putting effort to even think out of their comfort zone. If you take it offline, you say something in your usual tone, and they be like, nothing. No reaction.They tend to go deaf when you speak up.

I came across this kind of people a lot and accepted that that's how they are and gave up making further communication with this kind of people. However , being a Dating consultant makes me understand that people nowdays don't realise there are certain deal breakers that can ruin a relationship or even friendship.

What’s the first question most people ask you when you meet or chat ?

It’s likely, “What do you do?” This has become the new “How’s it going?” or “How about that weather?” and it’s awful.If you’re someone like me, this question leaves you feeling sized-up and minimized. It’s as if the asker is thinking to herself, “I’m out of here if she or he doesn’t fit my predetermined criteria of what is interesting. So, you struggle to answer, not even sure if the asker cares in the first place, or if it’s just small talk.

Why does it have to be like this? And why do we care so much about what someone does, anyway? Hopefully, we respect ourselves enough to know that we are dynamic people who can’t be described adequately in one sentence. We also know that we can’t get someone to feel invested in us, or our work, in a quick transactional conversation. Isn’t there a better way?

Yes, but you may have to break a few norms to bust up the status quo to really get to know someone. It takes time to build a relationship or friendship. The initial interaction should be used to find some chemistry and build rapport. If you can spark curiosity in getting to know you more, you've succeeded. Choose any of these questions to have in mind for your next interactions, and see what feels

Most importantly, don’t attack someone with same questions. When you ask, deeply listen. Any questions that come after should be a natural follow up to their response. These are helpful primers, but follow the course that the conversation takes. And then, you will eventually get to know what someone does. No need to lead with it. Ideally, it will uncover itself as you get to know what really matters to your new friend.

Fatherless daughter's story ...

Women who grew up with absent dads find it is difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scared by their dad's rejection of them, they don't want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.

Ever since childhood, I've built walls around myself. I didn't open up to people. I didn't ask questions about their families, jobs, or hobbies. I kept my life private, and I remained socially isolated. These were all self-protective measures so I wouldn't experience rejection like I did with my dad. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to help me change my behavior because my fear of rejection was more powerful than my desire to make connections.

Without a doubt, girls like me always looking for the love and validation we never got from our dad. I was looking for an alternative to a man who never said "I love you" or "you're pretty" and never gave the unconditional acceptance that craves from parent.

No matter how my past was the only thing that i believe currently is daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realizes that the problem isn't her, it's him. 

Ikigai

If we don’t pay attention to our daily habits, we will get stuck in our emotions, which very often leads to stress, depression and unhealthy lifestyle.  Everyone is busy now days,but are we living the fullest?

What is fullfilling life ?

You get a full night of sleep. You wake up naturally or when your (first) alarm goes off ready to take on the day. Maybe you take a 10-minute walk or workout. You make time to eat a large, healthy breakfast with your family. You are mindful during the meal. You get  ready for work at an intentional pace instead of rushing around. In fact, your entire day has space and margin between the various things you need and want to do. The work you do is aligned with your life purpose. Over lunch, you take a walk outside with a friend and discuss things about life (not work). After work, maybe you do some exercise or take a short nap. Then you have a small dinner and a glass of wine or tea with family or friends.

It’s possible to live a paced and present life.

Heartbreaking photography

The most heartbreaking pictures i have ever seen in my life is the one taken by the famous photographer Kevin Carter, vulture and the starving child (above) that led to him committing suicide at age 33. I was 12 years old when I saw above picture for the very first time. Such a deep meaningful and heart breaking image. When some one explain to me  the story behind the picture I started to cry. For those who never seen this picture before, the large bird-vulture in the picture actually only eats flesh of dead animal. So basically it is waiting for the girl to die so that it can eat her.

When this photograph capturing the suffering of the Sudanese  was published in the New York Times the reaction was not all positive.Some people said that Kevin Carter, the photojournalist who took this photo, was inhumane, that he should have dropped his camera to run to the little girl’s and save her. The controversy only grew when, a few months later, he won the Pulitzer Prize for the photo. By the end of July, 1994, he was dead.Carter took a special assignment in Sudan, where he shot the famous vulture photo. He spent a few days touring villages full of starving people. All the while, he was surrounded by armed Sudanese soldiers who were there to keep him from interfering. Even if he decided to help the little girl, the soldiers wouldn’t have allowed it. In the age of 33 he committed suicide due to depression.He doesn't know what to do with his life,he don't know how to live up to the award he received and he has taken most heart breaking pictures throughout his photojournalism career which is more than enough to kill him deeply from inside.

I was 12 when I saw the picture and ask myself why he did not save the girl ? Just same question as everyone had in their mind.Later I get to know it's not for the sake of the photograph but he was surrounded by soldiers who don't allow him to interfere. However he showed to the world about those who suffering. That's the real reason I always wanted to be humanitarian. That is when i realised meaningful life is the life that useful and helpful for others.

 Up till today, we know many suffering in poverty and hunger. But it is just another news for us,because it's not happening to us. It is happening somewhere far from us. But somewhere some human is dying every second..and we are so called human too so we should be related in someway right? But what we can do..we cant afford to help everyone..we don't afford to help even a single person.

We are living such sad life where we only know about new version of Iphone launch date but we never bother to know about Unicef -sponsor a child programme,volunteer jobs,charity activities in neighbourhood and many more. All we can do is pray and ask God why there is so much suffering in world? Why do you allow so much suffering in the hope that God will never ask back the same question to us.
                        -HUMANITARIAN-

LISTEN TO THE VICTIMS

   

After  a slow start of India's  Me too movement now has shaken the country. Couple of days back i came across one of the most trending news about singer Chinmayi speaks about sexual harassment by the Poet Vairamuthu. I can see same questions asked by press over and  over again.She was forced to stand up and begged media with folded hands to be more sensitive.Not only in india,globally that is how  human nowdays. They victimize the victims and ask stupid question.

It takes great courage to speak up, when you speak up about sexual harassment only respond you get is its normal,forget about it and it is common thing happens to every women. The more disappointing part is If this guy who sexually assault you is family member or close to your family you can still see him in all your family functions, talking to your family, laughing infront of your face, eating dinner served  by your parents in your dining table. Not once or twice, I have heard such stories multiple times in my life and witnessed some as well. My question is what is the point of speaking up,if you choose to simply brush up and never bothers about victims feelings.

Incase some doesnt know let me explain that rape or sexual harassment victims go through a lot of trauma. If you heard about anxiety disorder,panic attacks,bipolar disorder and many more illness they can have all this in package or either one. If you don’t know about it go and google about it. This post is not about it.

     If someone tells you they are victims first listen and understand. No one makes such stories.If they telling it over and over again try to understand that they are not seeking attention. But they are seeking  justice.Because such incidents leaves deep scar, give lifelong trauma,heartache and make someone vulnerable and emotionally dead.

     Trust me it is not easy,that is why even Aishwarya Rai after winning  beauty pageant,pledged that she will work towards womans right worldwide but couldn’t even complain against her own abusive past life. It is not like those days,where you atleast have family support you.Everyone has own life and they say they understand but they wont understand  what you went through unless they had similar experience.

     Any human who just brush of this kind of issue as if nothing happened,say or ask stupid questions towards victims thousand times much more worst than abuser or rapist. These humans say things like forget it,it just nightmare,why you repeating same thing over again or if you speak up after so long like Chinmayi they will ask brilliant question such as WHY NOW? All this intelligent people who ask such question,will just go get busy live their own life,family and kids. None has time to help victims go through dark sides of life. At least they can  stop abusing victims verbally.

   I am very sure everyone remember India’s daughter Jyothi Singh@Nirbhaya's rape case in India. At the end of 84 minute bus journey of hell in New Delhi,she was thrown naked,bleeding and gravely injured into the road. The 2 things that deeply saddening other than the torture she went through is many don’t even come forward to cover her naked body with atleast piece of cloth. Number of people on road ignored the seriously injured couple before they were rushed to hospital. In BBC documentary, "India’s daughter", rapist Mukesh gave interview from jail.He said decent girl wont roam in night and he also blamed her for fighting back.

   If you ever judge victims,blame victims,brush off,did not voice out or support when someone speaks up about sexual harrasement or rape,congratulations! Youre in same category with those who passby Nirbhaya naked bleeding body and choose to ignore and Mukesh the rapist who blamed the victim. I don't see much DIFFERENCE.

   What are we passing to our generation? Just a like family treasures we are passing this kind of sick mentality of ignorance and baseless judgements from generation to generation.  Do we realise in future our daughter or son has to live in such society. They are learning through us.They are watching every single thing we do,not only us,our  entire generation is living example for the next generation.

Ditched by friends after marriage : can you relate?

     When you got married your focus changes.It is no longer about only you.It is about partner,kids and family,in laws and responsibilities. If you are single,very common statement you will hear is, "you don’t understand,marriage life is not that easy". All of us have 24 hours a day,you have to make choices and keep making it all 1,440 minutes of every 24 hours a day. It is all about priorities,yes true indeed!

I feel blessed having friends who always there for me, knows my moods and my everyday life, more than 10 years and nothing has changed over the years. I also have friends who rarely meet but constantly text me to check on me atleast once a week. and many more sincere friends. No matter what our status,lifestyle or responsibilities we still keep each other in priority list.Why?
   
     These people has same 24 hours a day and much more busy life but they know value of friendship. We are friends who turned to family now.Thats what i call true friendship. I have been there for them so they know they will be there for me.So if you happen to get ditched totally after your friend married it does not means you don’t deserve such meaningful friendship. It is totally because your friend needs more than 24 hours to include you in life after married. Most important things,priorities !!!!

    I totally disagree with the statement that friendships fades after marriage,true friends will stick together through thick and thin. I am proud to say i have such amazing friends.That being said,being married doesn’t mean you should neglect your friends totally. If you ever did that due to any reasons such as focus changes,lack of time or priorities changed.My only advice is don’t come back one day and expect to be treated as same way. Because life doesn’t have pause or rewind button.

     Trust me if you choose to be so busy with own life for so long and come back to renew  friendship,many things might changed.Even your bodies and minds changes every 7 year,every cell in your body replaced by new cells. The only thing that does not change in this world is the word itself : change. So if  you don’t make effort,people eventually will leave you or maybe forget you. Making effort is not about picking up phone once in blue moon and asking for meet up or  planning reunions once a year.

    My 2 cents advice is stay connected.When I say stay connected i mean connected for real. No matter how advanced we are,human touch is something that everyone deserve. A true friend does not only has to know updates about you from social media. I will kill my best friend if she updates something very important in social media before she tells me.Come one i have been with you before we had Nokia3310 !! But I am blessed I get what I give in my life. People love me more than i love them.

   My all time favourite quote by Will Smith, If you’re absent during my struggle don’t expect  to be present during my success. There is group of people will remember you only when they need help or when they lonely. While some only remains as memories in photo albums. Ask yourself where you stand in your friends life ?