Communication : Deal breaker

Recently, I realise too often, a conversation results in wasted time and nothing productive to show for it. Have you came across those who give one word replies, filler words or only use emoji mostly when replying your text? There is also some who ask you same questions every time to start a conversation. Which might be convenient for them but it clearly shows that the person not interested in putting effort to even think out of their comfort zone. If you take it offline, you say something in your usual tone, and they be like, nothing. No reaction.They tend to go deaf when you speak up.

I came across this kind of people a lot and accepted that that's how they are and gave up making further communication with this kind of people. However , being a Dating consultant makes me understand that people nowdays don't realise there are certain deal breakers that can ruin a relationship or even friendship.

What’s the first question most people ask you when you meet or chat ?

It’s likely, “What do you do?” This has become the new “How’s it going?” or “How about that weather?” and it’s awful.If you’re someone like me, this question leaves you feeling sized-up and minimized. It’s as if the asker is thinking to herself, “I’m out of here if she or he doesn’t fit my predetermined criteria of what is interesting. So, you struggle to answer, not even sure if the asker cares in the first place, or if it’s just small talk.

Why does it have to be like this? And why do we care so much about what someone does, anyway? Hopefully, we respect ourselves enough to know that we are dynamic people who can’t be described adequately in one sentence. We also know that we can’t get someone to feel invested in us, or our work, in a quick transactional conversation. Isn’t there a better way?

Yes, but you may have to break a few norms to bust up the status quo to really get to know someone. It takes time to build a relationship or friendship. The initial interaction should be used to find some chemistry and build rapport. If you can spark curiosity in getting to know you more, you've succeeded. Choose any of these questions to have in mind for your next interactions, and see what feels

Most importantly, don’t attack someone with same questions. When you ask, deeply listen. Any questions that come after should be a natural follow up to their response. These are helpful primers, but follow the course that the conversation takes. And then, you will eventually get to know what someone does. No need to lead with it. Ideally, it will uncover itself as you get to know what really matters to your new friend.