Doing What Isn’t “Me”

Doing What Isn’t “Me”

I want to challenge myself.

But when I say that, another thought immediately follows:

What is “me”, anyway?

Right now, nothing feels interesting about me. Not my routines, not my thoughts, not my days.

Since I quit working, life has slowed into a repetitive cycle. Wake up. Pass time. Sleep. Repeat.

I don’t feel sad.

I don’t feel motivated.

I mostly feel numb.

And when you feel numb long enough, even the idea of “finding yourself” feels exhausting.

When “Me” Becomes a Habit, Not an Identity

For a long time, “me” was just a set of habits.

What I avoided.

What I postponed.

What felt safer not to try.

Without work to structure my days, those habits became louder. I started mistaking comfort for identity. Silence for peace. Stillness for rest.

But deep down, it didn’t feel like rest.

It felt like stagnation.

Wanting to Challenge Myself, Without Knowing How

I kept telling myself I wanted to challenge myself — but I didn’t know where to start.

I didn’t have interests pulling me forward.

I didn’t have goals calling my name.

I didn’t even trust my own motivation.

So instead of asking “What do I want?”

I asked a different question:

What do I usually do on autopilot?

Defining “Me” by Patterns, Not Personality

Here’s what “me” looked like when I was honest:

I avoid situations where I might feel exposed

I overthink before starting anything

I consume more than I create

I wait until I feel ready

I stay quiet to avoid being judged

This wasn’t self-criticism.

It was observation.

And that’s when something clicked.

If this is “me” by default, then anything that interrupts these patterns is not me.

How I Found What Isn’t “Me”

“What isn’t me” didn’t have to be dramatic.

It just had to be different from my autopilot.

So I tried small things:

Starting without confidence

Sharing unfinished thoughts

Saying yes once when I’d normally say no

Doing something without needing it to lead anywhere

None of it felt natural.

That was the point !

Doing What Isn’t “Me” Didn’t Change My Life Overnight

Nothing magically improved.

My uncertainty didn’t disappear.

My future didn’t suddenly feel clear.

But something important happened:

I felt present again.

Even briefly, I felt awake inside my own life.

And that was enough to keep going.

What I’m Learning Along the Way

Doing what isn’t “me” isn’t about becoming someone else.

It’s about reminding myself that I’m not fixed.

That numbness is not my personality.

That lack of interest doesn’t mean lack of potential.

Sometimes, interest follows action.

Sometimes, meaning shows up after you move.

If You Feel Like There’s Nothing Interesting About You

You’re not broken.

You’re paused.

And paused things don’t need inspiration — they need motion.

You don’t have to reinvent yourself.

You don’t have to feel hopeful.

You just have to interrupt the cycle once.

I still don’t fully know who “me” is.

But I’m learning this:

Every time I do something that isn’t me,

I make room for a version of myself I haven’t met yet.

And right now, that’s enough.

You Matter — More Than You Know

In a world full of expectations, obligations, and noise, it’s easy to forget something important:

You matter.

More than your parents need you.

More than your siblings lean on you.

More than your friends depend on you.

You need you.

If you’ve been putting your mental or physical health second — for your job, your family, or your goals — it’s time to pause and remember:

You come first.

Why?

Because there’s always another job.

Another opportunity.

Another deadline.

Another anything.

But there is no another you.

You are not a machine. You’re human — complex, valuable, irreplaceable.

And when you constantly pour from an empty cup, you lose more than just energy — you lose parts of yourself.

So take the break.

Leave the toxic job.

Go fix what hurts, inside or out.

Say yes to that trip.

Say yes to yourself.

Do the thing that makes you feel alive.

Eat the food.

Take the nap.

Breathe.

And when you’re ready — when you've filled your cup — be present.

Be ready.

If not for you yet, then for the ones who never gave up on you.

The ones quietly hoping you’ll return to yourself.

The ones who see your worth even when you forget it.

Because choosing yourself is not selfish.

It's survival.

It's strength.

It's love — starting from within.

Should Everyone Be a Parent?”: Rethinking Genes, Generational Trauma & the Future of Humanity

There’s a common thought that floats in certain circles:

> “If someone carries generational trauma, bad genes, or has a criminal past… should they really have kids?”

For a long time, I held that belief, too.

Why bring a child into pain or risk repeating cycles of suffering?

Why pass on genes tied to disease, mental instability, or violent behavior?

It felt like logic. Responsibility. Protection for both the potential child and society.

But life, like nature, rarely fits into neat logic.

And somewhere along my own healing and learning journey, I found a new perspective.

What if Nature Knows More Than We Do?

The human body carries not only trauma but also resilience.Not only disease, but adaptations.

What looks like a “flaw” in one generation might be an evolutionary advantage in the next.

That’s not wishful thinking — it’s biology.

From "Disorder" to Design: Rethinking Traits

Neurodivergent individuals (autistic, ADHD, etc.) were once misunderstood and shunned.

Today, we celebrate their creativity, hyper-focus, innovation, and empathy.

Many leading thinkers and creators in history were likely neurodivergent.

People with Down Syndrome were once hidden away.

Now, many are living meaningful, integrated lives with jobs, art, sports — and deep emotional intelligence.

What if future therapies enhance their cognitive abilities while preserving their unique emotional insight?

People who survived generational trauma may develop incredible emotional strength, empathy, or leadership — if given the tools to heal.

Even psychological traits seen in sociopathy — like risk-taking or detachment — might evolve under a different context to create leaders in dangerous environments, astronauts, soldiers, or AI handlers.

What If We’re Just… Early?

Maybe we’re still too close to the trauma.

Maybe we’re too focused on the "faulty" parts — and haven’t seen the full arc of evolution.

Traits that seem dangerous, “broken,” or undesirable might not stay that way.

Epigenetics (how life experiences change gene expression) shows us that trauma can heal.

And healed traits can become strengths passed on to future generations.

Imagine the Future…

A child born with trauma in their DNA gets early mental health care, not punishment.

A child with genetic “defects” gets tools to transform those traits into rare abilities.

A society that doesn’t erase difficult genes — but understands them, evolves with them, and designs environments where they shine.

So… Should Everyone Have Kids?

Maybe the better question is:

> “What kind of support do we need — so that those who want to be parents can become the kind who raise healed, strong children?”

Nature doesn’t waste.

Genes don’t freeze in time.

And humans… we’re still a work in progress.

Instead of fearing brokenness, maybe we start building the systems to heal it.

Who knows?

A hundred years from now, the child of a man once labeled a monster, or a woman dismissed as unstable —could hold the gene that saves the world.

What I Thought My Problem Was… vs What Was Actually Holding Me Back

I used to think I just wasn’t motivated enough.

I told myself things like:

– “I’m not consistent.”

– “I don’t have time.”

– “I keep procrastinating.”

– “Maybe I’m just not disciplined like others.”

But over time, I’ve learned that those weren’t the real problems. They were just symptoms, surface-level noise that distracted me from what was actually going on underneath.

What I Thought Was the Problem:

I thought I was lazy.

I thought I needed better time management, more willpower, or a stricter routine.

I thought I needed to push myself harder.

But when I slowed down and really looked within, I realized the truth was deeper.

What Was Actually Holding Me Back:

1. Fear — Not of Failing, But of What Happens If I Succeed

What if I got what I wanted and then lost it?

What if people expected more from me?

What if I couldn’t live up to the version of myself I was chasing?

Sometimes, fear doesn’t come as panic,it comes as delay. Disguised as “I’m not ready yet.”

2. Old Stories That I Didn’t Realize I Still Believed

Stories like: – “People like me don’t succeed.”

– “It’s too late for me to start.”

– “I always mess things up anyway.”

These beliefs were planted somewhere in my past  by others, by failure, or by fear but I had unknowingly made them my truth.

3. Pursuing Goals That Weren’t Truly Mine

At some point, I lost touch with what I really wanted.

I was chasing things that looked good on paper — not things that felt aligned in my soul.

That disconnect? It drained me. Even when I was working hard, I felt empty.

Unprocessed Emotions

I didn’t realize how much emotional clutter I was carrying — past regrets, fear of judgment, the weight of comparison.

You can’t build a future when you're still emotionally living in the past.

And no planner, productivity tool, or motivational quote can fix what a heavy heart is carrying.

So Why Wasn’t I Reaching My Goals?

Because I was solving the wrong problem.

I was trying to fix an emotional block with a to-do list.

I was treating symptoms.not the root.

What Helped Me Shift

I started asking deeper questions:

What am I really afraid of?

Whose expectations am I trying to meet?

Am I building a life that’s true to me, or a version of me I thought I had to be?

And slowly, things began to shift.

Sometimes it’s not that we’re unmotivated.

We’re just emotionally tired, spiritually misaligned, or carrying pain we haven’t named yet.

And the moment we stop blaming ourselves for “not trying hard enough” and instead start listening to what’s really going on inside is the moment we begin to move forward.

One honest answer at a time.

Life Skills I Wish Someone Taught Me in My 20s (That You Should Know by 30)

Your 20s are wild, full of new experiences, messy decisions, and figuring out who you are. I used to think I had to hustle hard, be liked by everyone, and have my life figured out by 30.

Now that I’m in mid of 30s, I realise this: there are skills I wish someone sat me down and taught me in my 20s, not just academic or technical ones, but emotional survival skills. These aren’t things you’ll find in textbooks, but they shape your peace, self-worth, and direction more than anything else.

Here are the life lessons I learned (mostly the hard way), and why they matter:

1. How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

In my 20s, I thought saying “yes” made me kind and easy to work with. What it really made me? Exhausted and often resentful.

> Why it matters: Your time and energy are not infinite. Saying “no” creates space for things (and people) that truly align with your values.

2. How to Manage Emotions Without Exploding or Numbing

I used to bottle things up until I broke down or lashed out. Emotional regulation isn’t about pretending to be okay — it’s about honestly understanding what you're feeling and handling it without self-destruction.

> Why it matters: Emotional maturity helps you avoid sabotaging relationships, careers, and your own wellbeing.

3. How to Cook a Few Good, Nourishing Meals

It’s tempting to live off delivery and instant noodles. I’ve done it. But eventually, your body (and wallet) pays the price.

> Why it matters: Knowing how to feed yourself well is a form of self-care and independence — and a basic life skill, not a luxury.

> If you still live with your parents and they cook —cherish it.Learn from them. Help them in the kitchen. Ask how they make your favourite dish.

One day, you’ll miss the way they cut vegetables, the smell of their curry, or the exact way they pack your lunch.

Knowing how to cook isn’t just a skill, it’s a way to carry love, culture, and memories forward.

4. How to Budget, Save, and Say No to Impulse Spending

No one told me that “looking rich” is different from being financially free. I learned the hard way through debt and regret.

> Why it matters: Financial peace buys you choices. Choices give you freedom.

5. How to Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely

In my 20s, I feared solitude. I thought being alone meant being unwanted. I get into many toxic relationships because of wanting someone to take care od me.But the most healing chapter of my life came when I embraced my own company.

> Why it matters: When you’re okay being alone, you stop settling for people who don’t deserve you.

6. How to Stand Up for Yourself

Whether in friendships, workplaces, or family  staying silent when something hurts you doesn’t make you “easygoing.” It makes you invisible to your own needs.

> Why it matters: Self-respect is built every time you speak your truth, even when your voice shakes.

7. How to Walk Away from Toxic People

Not everyone deserves a seat at your table, no matter how long you’ve known them. Loyalty has limits.

> Why it matters: Your mental and emotional health should never be the price of keeping someone in your life.

8. How to Take Care of Your Mental Health

In my 20s, I thought burnout was a badge of honor. I ignored anxiety, normalized sleeplessness, and said “I’m fine” way too often.

> Why it matters: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Rest, boundaries, and support aren’t signs of weakness — they’re survival.

9. How to Learn — and Unlearn

Your 20s are filled with “shoulds” from society, culture, or family. I wish someone told me it’s okay to unlearn beliefs that don’t serve you anymore.

> Why it matters: Growth isn’t just adding new knowledge — it’s releasing what no longer fits your life.

10. How to Accept Yourself, Fully

I spent too many years trying to be someone else’s version of “enough.” Now, I’m learning that healing is accepting yourself as you are, while gently improving who you want to become.

> Why it matters: Confidence doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from wholeness.

If you’re in your 20s and feel lost  you’re not behind. You’re becoming.

If you’re in your 30s and still figuring it out — so are we all. Growth is not linear. Life doesn’t follow a checklist. But with these skills, it gets lighter, richer, and more meaningful.

“But What If I Learn This Late — In My 30s or 40s?”

Then that’s exactly when you were meant to learn it.

Society loves to put pressure on timelines:

“You should have figured yourself out by 25.”

“You should be financially stable by 30.”

“You should be married by 25.”

But real life doesn’t work like that.

Some people find themselves at 19.

Some find themselves at 49.

Both are valid.

The reason we often say “learn this in your 20s” is not to shame late bloomers — it’s to offer prevention rather than recovery. But if you’re learning now — in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s you’re still ahead of many who never reflect at all.

Growth isn’t about age. It’s about awareness.

And once you're aware, you get to choose differently, and that’s where your real life begins.

So don’t worry if you’re “late.”

You’re right on time, for you.

From AI to Intuition: Where I Seek My Truth

Sometimes I ask ChatGPT, sometimes I ask my friend, sometimes I ask my partner, and sometimes… I just ask myself. All give different answers and I learn from all of them.

This line came to me one evening after asking the same question in four different ways, to four different "sources."

It wasn’t about getting the right answer.

It was about understanding how I felt about each one.

And that’s something I’ve only recently learned:

Clarity often doesn’t come from answers alone, it comes from seeing your question reflected back from multiple angles.

When I ask ChatGPT...

I get logic. Structure. Options.

It’s like having a super-organized friend who never gets tired of brainstorming.

Sometimes it gives me what I need to hear. Other times, it shows me what I don’t agree with — and that’s helpful too. Because knowing what you don’t want is just as important.

 When I ask my friend...

I get empathy. A real story. A lived experience.

They bring in nuance, emotions, personal examples and sometimes, tough love.

They remind me I’m not alone in this messy human experience.

When I ask my partner...

I get grounding.

A different viewpoint.

Someone who sees me beyond the situation and reminds me of my bigger picture.

Their opinion may not always match mine, but it always holds weight.

And when I ask myself…

I get truth.

The quiet kind. The one that shows up only when I pause the noise and listen.

It might not be instant. It might not be loud.

But it’s usually the one that sticks.

All answers are not equal — but all are valuable.

Sometimes the AI gives me facts.

My friend gives me warmth.

My partner gives me perspective.

My own intuition gives me peace.

And I’ve stopped believing I need to choose one over the other.

Instead, I’ve started asking myself:

“Which answer feels right for me, right now?”

Because advice is everywhere.

But wisdom is choosing what to carry forward.

You don’t have to pick between tech or human.

Between data or emotion.

Between outer advice or inner knowing.

There’s space for all of it — if you’re willing to listen.And the beauty is, even conflicting answers can help you get closer to your truth.That’s the real journey,not just in decision-making, but in becoming who you are.

It’s Not Just About the Calories — Why Weight Loss Feels So Damn Hard Sometimes

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things we don’t talk about enough. You know those quiet moments when you scroll past a quote that just… stops you? That happened to me recently. It said:

> “Sometimes, it’s not laziness or lack of discipline that makes weight loss hard — it’s everything else that people don’t see.”

And I felt that. Deeply.

Because behind every weight loss attempt is often a story that’s invisible: stress, sleepless nights, hormones out of whack, and the mental exhaustion of trying so hard without seeing results. So today, I wanted to share a few truths that don’t get talked about enough,especially for those who are doing “everything right” but still feel stuck.

Here are some lesser-known reasons why weight loss might feel like a constant uphill battle:

🧠 1. Chronic Stress

You can be eating clean and hitting the gym, but if your stress levels are through the roof, your body will fight you. When cortisol (your stress hormone) is high for long periods, your body holds onto fat especially around the belly.

Stress eating? It’s not just a “bad habit” — it’s biology trying to keep you safe.

Courtesy : Epel, E. S., et al. (2000). "Stress and body shape: Stress-induced cortisol secretion is consistently greater among women with central fat." Psychosomatic Medicine.

🌙 2. Poor Sleep

Sleep is where your body resets and repairs. Miss out on quality rest, and your hunger hormones (ghrelin and leptin) go haywire. You wake up tired, craving sugar, and your metabolism slows down. Suddenly, willpower alone just isn’t enough.

⚖️ 3. Metabolic Adaptation

Have you been dieting on and off for years? Your body may have adapted to lower calories. It's smart like that, trying to “save” you by slowing down calorie burn. That’s why long-term restriction can backfire.

💊 4. Medication Side Effects

Antidepressants, steroids, birth control — they all come with potential side effects that can make weight loss feel impossible. If this sounds familiar, it’s not your fault. Talk to your doctor, but also give yourself grace.

🧬 5. Hormonal Imbalances

Conditions like PCOS, hypothyroidism, or estrogen dominance don’t always show up loudly but they can quietly sabotage your efforts. Many go undiagnosed for years. If you feel “off” no matter what you do, it’s worth getting checked.

🦠 6. Gut Health Issues

Your gut controls more than digestion, it influences hunger, fat storage, even your mood. Bloating, cravings, and fatigue? Your gut might be crying out for help. Think probiotics, fiber, and fewer ultra-processed foods.

🍳 7. Not Enough Protein or Fiber

You could be eating clean but still under-eating nutrients that matter. Protein helps preserve muscle, and fiber keeps you full and supports your gut. These two can change the game — especially for women.

🧂 8. Hidden Calories

That smoothie you swear by? That salad dressing you love? They might be sneakily adding up. Even small, untracked bites (yes, even your kid’s leftovers) can stall progress over time.

🚶‍♀️ 9. Too Much Sitting

You might be exercising 30 minutes a day but what about the other 23.5 hours? NEAT (non-exercise activity thermogenesis) — things like walking, cleaning, standing — plays a big role in fat loss. Small movements matter more than we think.

🧠 10. Emotional Eating & Subconscious Beliefs

This one is deep. Sometimes, it’s not what’s on your plate — it’s what’s on your mind.

Unhealed trauma, stress, loneliness, even beliefs like “I’ll never lose weight, so why bother” can silently hold you back.

You can’t diet your way out of emotional hunger.

If You’re Struggling , It’s Not Just You

I wrote this because I wish someone had said it to me earlier:

If you’re feeling frustrated, stuck, or like you’re failing  you’re not. Your body is not broken. You don’t need more punishment. You might need to rest, to reflect, or to ask different questions.

Weight loss isn’t always about pushing harder.

Sometimes, it’s about looking deeper. And being kind to yourself along the way.