How Are You, Really? The Power of Genuine Self-Reflection

It’s such a simple question, yet we often ask it out of habit. “How are you?” is tossed around in passing conversations, almost like an obligatory greeting rather than a genuine inquiry. But when was the last time you really paused and considered the answer, not just for others, but for yourself?

I started thinking about this recently—when was the last time I truly asked myself, “How are you, really?” I don’t mean the automatic, “I’m fine” or “I’m good.” I’m talking about taking a moment to sit with yourself and genuinely reflect on how you’re feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically.

The Surface Level Response

When people ask how we are, we tend to give surface-level responses. “I’m okay,” “I’m doing well,” or even the ambiguous, “Not too bad.” But these answers are often just placeholders for a deeper truth that we either don’t feel comfortable sharing or haven’t fully explored within ourselves.

If we’re honest, answering that question genuinely requires vulnerability, both with others and with ourselves. And sometimes, that’s difficult. It’s easier to brush past it and keep moving, especially in a world that celebrates busyness and productivity over introspection and emotional health.

Asking Yourself, “How Are You?”

I decided to start asking myself this question more often. It began as a journaling prompt, a way to check in with my feelings beyond just dealing with the day-to-day routine. I found that when I asked myself, “How are you, really?” the answers varied. Some days I felt overwhelmed, other days excited, sometimes I was restless or even lost. The beauty in asking myself this question is that it helped me pinpoint emotions I hadn’t been fully aware of.

Sometimes, I realized I wasn’t “fine” at all—I was anxious or mentally drained. I had just been so used to telling others and myself that everything was okay that I started to believe it. By asking myself the question in a deeper way, I gave myself permission to unpack what I was truly feeling and to address it.

Why It Matters

Taking the time to reflect on how we’re really feeling is essential to our emotional and mental well-being. It’s so easy to get caught up in external obligations—work, relationships, goals—that we forget to check in with ourselves. But ignoring our emotions doesn’t make them go away; it just pushes them further down, where they can manifest as stress, burnout, or even physical symptoms.

By regularly asking ourselves, “How are you, really?” we open the door to self-compassion. It allows us to address our needs, whether that’s taking a break, seeking support, or simply acknowledging that things aren’t okay right now—and that’s okay. It’s about being honest with yourself and making space for what you truly need.

How to Start Asking the Question

It’s not always easy to ask yourself this question, especially if you’ve been avoiding it for a while. But starting small can help. You can try asking yourself, “How am I feeling today?” at the end of each day or when you wake up in the morning. Or you can use it as a journaling prompt to delve into your emotions more deeply.

Don’t rush the process. The goal isn’t to find immediate solutions but to cultivate awareness. Over time, this simple practice of self-inquiry can help you navigate your emotions better, make more mindful decisions, and ultimately live with greater authenticity.

So, how are you, really?

It’s a question worth asking—both to others and to yourself. The next time you find yourself on autopilot, take a moment to pause and reflect. You might be surprised by what you discover when you dig beneath the surface of a habitual “I’m fine.” Because, in reality, the answer to this question is the key to understanding yourself on a deeper level and nurturing your emotional health.

So today, take a moment to ask. You deserve it.