TOPICS COUPLES AVOID : BUT SHOULDN'T

 

1. Career goals 

You and your partner’s career aspirations and goals should be discussed openly, too. It’s common for households to have dual career couples. Because of this, managing a relationship while pursuing your career and personal goals has become more crucial

2. Friends of opposite sex 

Defining boundaries with friends from the opposite sex can be a tricky subject. When one starts to commit to a relationship, friendships with the opposite gender may be one of the freedoms that need to be discussed. Boundaries should be clearly defined, and they should be applied not just in face to face interactions, but in all forms of interactions (i.e., texts, chats, and social media) as well.

3. Past relationship 

 Past relationships can reveal a lot about a person. They can also give birth to insecurity or resentment. When talking about past relationships, focusing more on general themes than on the details is the best way to handle this topic. Remember that the main goal of discussing past relationships is to strengthen and nurture the current one.

4. Sex 

Talking about sex and sexual compatibility is a big one. Many feel unsure and intimidated by the subject. So how do you steer the discussion towards this topic? Just talk about it there’s no other way around it. Remember that sexual compatibility is an ongoing process. Years of being together, maturity, and life events may have an impact on your views on sexuality.

5. Communication Styles

Communication styles vary from one person to another. One person may feel comfortable saying things outright, while another may hold back. One party may be an amplifier one who communicates by sharing what they have to say in great volumes of details while the other one is a condenser one who is, more often than not, comfortable sharing only a little of what is absolutely necessary. While there may be differences in how people communicate, understanding communication styles is key to a respectful and nourishing relationship.

6. Household Chores

Chores, errands, and housework can be a source of conflict if not plainly discussed. Typically, misunderstandings arise when couples disagree on what “clean” means. One may have a relaxed rule on what is acceptably clean, while the other may be totally opposite.

7. Family

Healthy couples deal with in-laws with respect and by understanding that different people have different ways. The key to managing in-laws is setting healthy boundaries, expressing these boundaries to your spouse, and taking steps even before things get out of hand.

8. Our Habits

Our personality quirks and habits make us unique and special. For instance, your significant other may have a distinct obsession with a particular food. Or maybe you snore when you sleep. While some of these habits may be the very reason why we are drawn to our partners, some may annoy and bother us. Honesty without judgment is the best stance to take. Note that bringing up the habit in the heat of an argument may feel threatening to the other party. Lastly, choose your battles. Before asking your partner to quit or stop a habit, reflect whether this habit in question has an impact on the relationship. If not, perhaps it’s something that you can let go.

There are no shortcuts to tackle these mentioned topics. Similarly, couples may view these topics with varying levels of ease. Some couples may not even consider the topics discussed here to be taboo at all. The most important thing to consider is for both parties to listen with the intent to understand. And for each to speak the truth clearly and honestly. That is when genuine and open communication occurs and will, ultimately, lead to better relationships.

The importance of asking someone ''How are you'' ? in days of Covid 19

 Lots of us worried about the coronavirus pandemic, and everyone has been affected one way or another during pandemic. Today I was thinking about what can I do to stay positive throughout this tough time. 

 I received a message from my colleague Paris.  ''Good morning, how are you feeling today? '' Followed by that message she does genuinely share her thoughts and gave some motivation for the day. She also inspired me by sharing her healthy eating habits and workout routines. Then I understand, we cant make the virus go away, we are not in control of the number of cases that is reported every day. The next best thing that all of us can do: double down on kindness. Even simple gestures go a long way. No matter how positive or confident we are our mind will constantly battle our positive thoughts. The one simple message i received this morning gave me that little bit of extra energy for the day. 

“How’re you feeling?”

“How are you handling it all?”

“Need some advice?”

“Want to chat?”

That’s all it takes to check-in. It takes no more than a few minutes. It’s not going to kill your goals, ruin your work or take time away from your passion. It’s one thing you can do to help others.  

It really matters.

Remember we are all in this together 

A Liberating Journey

What is your insecurities ? My insecurity was like an open wound and my low self confidence always at rock bottom. I felt like a target, useless with few rights to have dreams, hopes, or success.

I perfected the art of avoiding mirrors and cameras, bought extra clothes to cover my skin, and learned how to keep my head down to avoid eye contact. I was terrified of social situations and worried that people would look at me in disgust.

Every single comment could shatter my fragile confidence.

The hopelessness and soul crushing feeling of not looking pretty enough made me want to hide behind. Thinking that you’ll never be happy because of your looks is the most heart breaking thing. We’re living in an appearance saturated society. The diet culture, beauty industry, media they all convey that beauty equals perfection.Advertisements and magazine covers all remind you of how imperfect you are. Beauticians love to point out your flaws to sell you more products.

It’s not until you decide to wear your imperfect look and become comfortable in your own skin. People’s looks no longer intimidate you. Hurtful words don’t steal your sleep. You fall in love with yourself.

It’s a journey toward acceptance. And the journey is liberating.

We all face challenges in accepting who we are and how we look. But the truth is that, cliché as it may sound, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It’s not what’s on the surface. It’s what’s inside you.

Here are some of the things that helped me on my journey toward self-acceptance.

1. You can make peace with the parts of you that you hate.

Accepting that you don’t like everything about your body is the first step toward having a more positive frame of mind. It’s about acknowledging that you may feel “meh” about some parts of your body, but not letting that stop you from doing things you want to do.Often we forgo pleasure because we feel we don’t deserve it. Somehow simple parts of living become unobtainable “rewards.” Maybe you won’t let yourself wear the dress unless you get into a certain shape, or you can’t get married unless you drop the weight, or maybe you can’t buy new clothes until you’re a few pounds lighter.

It sounds crazy when you say it out loud, but that’s how a lot of us think.

So be kind to yourself. Be gentle and remind yourself of all the other things that you love about yourself.  Give yourself permission to accept that some parts of your body may not be your favorite thing. You won’t always love every part of your body. However, you can still love your life even on the days you can’t love your belly.You’re certainly not alone in your struggle toward body acceptance. However, this is the body you were given. It’s the only body you were given. So it might be time to make peace with it.

2. Everyone feels unattractive at times.

We all have moments of weakness when we view everything through a negative filter, and the voice in our head becomes critical and unloving. Times when we feel ugly and unattractive. All of us. You. Me. Your best friend.

Days when you look at yourself in the mirror and don’t see anything positive. You don’t see the loving daughter, the caring sister, the wonderful colleague, the understanding friend. You don’t see the wisdom in old age wrinkles, the power in stretch marks, and the beauty in your body curves.

Instead, you just see . . .  Gross. Unlovable. Disgusting.

In those moments of self doubt, pause and ask yourself these questions: Is my mood affecting the way I’m feeling about my looks? Have I been getting enough sleep and fresh air? Have I been eating well and moving my body frequently? Self care is so important because your mirror image is simply a manifestation of your positive energy.

3. Media-defined ideals of beauty aren’t real.

For years, the world of media has been trying to construct a sparkling image of what an ideal man and an ideal woman should look like. From television shows to commercials to magazine advertisements to celebrity culture, mainstream media has been reinforcing the notion that you only look beautiful if you have a toned body, perfect hair, and flawless skin.

But the reality is that you just don’t.

Why? Because the image of perfection doesn’t exist. It’s superficial. It’s unattainable. Even models themselves don’t look like their photoshopped, heavily edited images. No wonder you come up short whenever you compare yourself to celebrities and models on magazine covers.

The pressure of looking perfect weighs you down. You begin to think that you aren’t beautiful enough, are too fat, too small, too whatever. All that to say that you’re not good enough.That’s, at least, what the beauty industry wants you to believe. If you feel inadequate about your looks, you’re more likely to buy whatever fix the ads are selling. Making you uncomfortable with your body sells whether it’s a weight loss plan, fashion, or a beauty product.

Are you going to change society’s definition of beauty? No. However, you can change your own. Don’t focus on the beauty you see in ads, focus on the beauty you see in the real life people you admire.

4. Your reflection doesn’t define you.

The sum of who you are your thoughts, beliefs, hopes, dreams, feelings is much greater than what meets the eye of an observer who doesn’t know you. All those things about you are the force that draws others to you.

You might have heard the saying that an ugly personality destroys the face. Well, I happen to agree with that 100 percent.

Sometimes you hear somebody speak with kindness and compassion, and you perceive them as beautiful. However, it’s not their outer appearance you’re drawn to. It’s their inner depth, a kind of beauty that can’t be replaced. I know many people who aren’t the most attractive, but their energy, joy, and positivity is so contagious that it’s hard not to have them around.

So think about what brings you joy. Do things you like. Make your self esteem deeply from inner, not outer, qualities. After all, a positive attitude brings more friendships than looks do.

5. Your perception becomes your reality.

If you feel beautiful, it will transcend your physical attributes.

Think about the story you’re living right now. Did you consciously decide to create it, or was it shaped by your parents, your friends, or perhaps even the media?

From the time you were born, you’ve received both positive and negative messages from your surroundings. All those messages create your belief system. You act on those messages as if they’re true until you believe them to be true. They become your reality. They give you your identity.

Every time you say “I am,” you are telling a story about yourself. When your story takes on a life of its own, you become it. But who wrote that story? And why is there so much criticism and low self-esteem in there?

Rewrite it. Take control of the pen and write the story you want.

Let Yourself Be You

Next time you notice that inner critic of yours attacking your appearance, catch it.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you can release it.

I’m not talking about making it spit out positive, self-loving affirmations that don’t feel authentic and real to you. I’m talking about the soft, embracing energy of acceptance.

I’ve learned to cultivate self worth apart from my appearance. I take pride in my talents, skills, intelligence, and caring heart. When my perfectionist self wants to critique not only my appearance, but also everything I do, I remind myself of those qualities.

When you open up to all parts of yourself, you will feel lighter. As you rewrite your story and let yourself be you, the many facets of your beautiful self will shine.

It’s a practice of making peace with what is. And you can make it happen within yourself.

It’s an ongoing journey that feels liberating.

The ability to love

   

We are ‘sexually liberated’ but we don't know the difference between love and sex. We have sex first then check to see if we're in love afterwards. We 'hook up' then break up. We have sex because it's easy, feels good, and fulfills our needs. But it doesn't have any meaning. It's like getting drunk. It doesn't require any loyalty. There are no sexual taboos. One night stands, friends with benefits, and open relationships are the new normal. Relationships are too complicated and we're not interested in love or exclusivity.
Love is no longer sacred and relationships have no value. In our rush to mix and mingle, we get rid of the most wonderful people in our lives.We've evolved and conquered the world. Yet we've lost the most basic and important human instinct.

The ability to love one another.

Modern relationships aren't like those from a generation or two ago. The modern relationship is a lot more tenuous and people in them seem to end them at a moment's notice. At the first sign of problems, either or both parties involved seem all too willing to end the relationship. No one seems to know what makes a modern relationship so difficult to maintain or why people seem to fall in and out of love so easily. It seems like people today don't know what love is or how to love each  other. The root cause is always having over expectations. Everyone grow up having list of expectations in relationship. Just like a job requirements,the person should fulfill every expectation he or she has,otherwise couples break up or have affairs.

There's no room in our fast-paced modern life for love. We want to enjoy the bright lights and party into the night. We want all the material things money can buy. We form relationships based on convenience. We don't have the space, time or patience to develop loving, lasting relationships. We have dreams to chase. I still believe in true love..

Finding Love in Your 50s: A Matchmaker's Perspective

As a matchmaker, I've seen many individuals in their 50s looking for love. While it can be a time of great excitement, it can also be a time of unique challenges and unrealistic expectations.

One of the biggest challenges for individuals in their 50s is the societal pressure to settle down and find a partner to grow old with. This pressure can lead to unrealistic expectations about what a relationship should look like and what it can provide. It's important for clients in this age group to have a realistic understanding of what they want in a relationship and what they can realistically expect from their partner.

Another challenge that often comes with finding love in your 50s is the baggage from past relationships. Many individuals in this age group may have children, grandchildren, and ex-partners, and they want to make sure that any new relationship will not only make them happy, but also fit into their existing family dynamic. It's crucial to address these concerns and work through them before jumping into a new relationship.

As a matchmaker, my goal is to help individuals in their 50s find love in a way that is healthy, realistic, and fulfilling. This means taking the time to understand each client's unique needs, values, and expectations and finding a match that truly aligns with them. It also means having open and honest conversations about what each person wants and needs from a relationship, and what they can realistically expect from their partner.

It's also important for individuals in their 50s to be open to new experiences and to embrace the joys of dating. This can include trying new activities, exploring new places, and meeting new people. By being open to new experiences, individuals in their 50s can find love in unexpected ways and form lasting connections.

In conclusion, finding love in your 50s can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. With the help of a matchmaker, you can navigate the challenges and unrealistic expectations that come with dating in this age group, and find love that is healthy, realistic, and fulfilling.

Chemistry

Most dating experts will tell you that while feeling immediately drawn to someone you can also feel really "special" and "irreplaceable" at the moment, chemistry is also something that can be created. As the name implies, it's all about the blending of different elements which results in a unique compound. Sometimes when we meet someone new, our body immediately recognizes that their specific blend of elements is just right and subsequently an energetical bond is formed.
If you find yourselves constantly feeling physically pulled towards each other, then there's a pretty good chance there will be some serious fireworks when your lips do finally lock. When you’re drawn to someone because of chemistry, it’s like magnets. You can’t just be in a room together, you have to be near each other.

While the drive to be physically near one another can be pretty intense to manage, it's definitely a sign that the physical connection between the two of you would be fire. When you find yourselves holding hands, kissing, caressing without even realizing, it’s because you’ve got great chemistry. This is a sign that you’re not just drawn to each other, but that you really want to be connected, physically, at all times. If you're enjoying a night out with someone new that you have yet to kiss but notice a spark when their hand lingers for a second longer than necessary, or you catch yourself finding any excuse to touch them, then that's certainly good news.

You daydream about being with them, you fantasize about being with them and you plan what you want to do when you’re not with them. This is a sign you have great chemistry together. Chemistry is one of those things that can be difficult to put into words or even talk about in a completely rational way. And while it's usually pretty easy to tell when your feeling particularly in sync with someone, the only way to know for sure is to kiss them and see what happens....

Communication : Deal breaker

Recently, I realise too often, a conversation results in wasted time and nothing productive to show for it. Have you came across those who give one word replies, filler words or only use emoji mostly when replying your text? There is also some who ask you same questions every time to start a conversation. Which might be convenient for them but it clearly shows that the person not interested in putting effort to even think out of their comfort zone. If you take it offline, you say something in your usual tone, and they be like, nothing. No reaction.They tend to go deaf when you speak up.

I came across this kind of people a lot and accepted that that's how they are and gave up making further communication with this kind of people. However , being a Dating consultant makes me understand that people nowdays don't realise there are certain deal breakers that can ruin a relationship or even friendship.

What’s the first question most people ask you when you meet or chat ?

It’s likely, “What do you do?” This has become the new “How’s it going?” or “How about that weather?” and it’s awful.If you’re someone like me, this question leaves you feeling sized-up and minimized. It’s as if the asker is thinking to herself, “I’m out of here if she or he doesn’t fit my predetermined criteria of what is interesting. So, you struggle to answer, not even sure if the asker cares in the first place, or if it’s just small talk.

Why does it have to be like this? And why do we care so much about what someone does, anyway? Hopefully, we respect ourselves enough to know that we are dynamic people who can’t be described adequately in one sentence. We also know that we can’t get someone to feel invested in us, or our work, in a quick transactional conversation. Isn’t there a better way?

Yes, but you may have to break a few norms to bust up the status quo to really get to know someone. It takes time to build a relationship or friendship. The initial interaction should be used to find some chemistry and build rapport. If you can spark curiosity in getting to know you more, you've succeeded. Choose any of these questions to have in mind for your next interactions, and see what feels

Most importantly, don’t attack someone with same questions. When you ask, deeply listen. Any questions that come after should be a natural follow up to their response. These are helpful primers, but follow the course that the conversation takes. And then, you will eventually get to know what someone does. No need to lead with it. Ideally, it will uncover itself as you get to know what really matters to your new friend.