Finding Meaning in Life

When people ask, "What should I do with my life?" or "What is my life purpose?" they're really asking: "How can I make my time meaningful?"

This question is much more practical and manageable than the abstract notion of "life purpose." Instead of contemplating cosmic significance while lounging on the couch with a bag of chips, it's more productive to get active and discover what truly matters to you. I don’t know if someone is passionate about knitting sweaters for kittens or creating content for their social media account. We can’t determine what’s right or meaningful for them.

Before we dive into specifics about discovering what matters to you, let's address some key points: the role of passion, the value of discomfort and pain, and even the concept of mortality.

Let’s start with mortality. Yes, we’re all going to die—every one of us. That moment is inevitable, and once it arrives, we won't be around to care about what we did or didn’t do.

The intriguing question isn't when we’ll die, but how. Will it be from cancer? A heart attack? A freak accident? Personally, I sometimes imagine dramatic scenarios like a parachute failure or a plane crash. Although it's morbidly fascinating to daydream about such scenarios, they are unlikely to happen.

When we think about our end, we often focus on the final moments—hospital beds, grieving loved ones, or emergency vehicles. Yet, we rarely consider the countless choices and habits that lead up to those final moments. Our lives are a series of steps, each contributing to the final chapter of our story.

With the talk of death out of the way, let’s shift focus to life—your life, specifically. Take a moment to think about what you want from life. Is it happiness? More money? A better job? More friends? True love? A stylish new sofa?

Everyone desires what feels good. We all want a carefree, happy life with love, perfect relationships, financial success, and admiration. It's easy to want those things.

However, if I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you respond with generic desires like “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it's too vague to be meaningful.

A more intriguing question, which you might not have considered before, is: What pain are you willing to endure in your life? What struggles are you prepared to face? This seems to be a more significant determinant of how our lives turn out.

Everyone wants an amazing job and financial independence, but not everyone is willing to endure 60-hour workweeks, long commutes, and navigating corporate hierarchies. People often want to be wealthy without the risk, sacrifice, or delayed gratification required to build real wealth.

Understanding what you’re willing to struggle for might be the key to finding what truly matters and creating a life that feels significant and fulfilling.

What would you say to your inner child?

Learning Neuro Linguistic programming (NLP) has been an eye-opening journey, revealing how much of my insecurities, low self-esteem, and unhappiness were shaped by my childhood trauma and programming. I’ve come to understand that who we are is largely influenced by the environment we grew up in, the family dynamics we experienced, and the lessons we absorbed along the way.

Most people I know,their upbringing, lifestyle, and overall life experiences are a complete 360 degrees different from mine. They grew up with support, encouragement, and direction. They have been provided a strong foundation. In contrast, my childhood lacked these elements. I grew up with little support, few compliments, and almost no guidance. My father, an introvert, was not very involved in my life, rarely offering advice or sharing his opinions. My mother worked tirelessly to support us financially, and in typical Asian parenting fashion, compliments were scarce. The only feedback I often received was negative.

I know people traveled with parents from a young age and continued to explore the world during college years, I had a vastly different experience. I never traveled with my family or alone, nor did we even visit shopping malls together. In hindsight, I realize that my family dynamic was rather unusual.

Through life experiences, I've learned to compare and understand how our vastly different life experiences shaped us in unique ways. Our differences stem from the distinct ways we experienced life, and it's become clear how deeply our childhoods influence who we become as adults.

Now i feel like there is lots of healing has to be done for all childhood scars. mostly I feel I don't have even have inner child, i can't feel her in me. I've been always chasing ways to earn something, love , money and success in life since very young. The term “inner child” makes me feel skeptical, and self-conscious. There is a child inside of me, and I am supposed to…talk to her?

When experiencing emotions reminiscent of my childhood, I remind myself that as an adult, I now possess things I didn’t have back then:  power, control, and permission. I speak to the child I once was, affirming things I wish I had heard:

• "You are safe."
• "I’ve got you."
• "You are not alone. You have me."
• "I love you exactly as you are. You don’t need to excel at anything for me to love you more."
• "We will set boundaries together and protect them. If we need to say no, we will, even if it means alienating others. We will be OK."
• "Any emotion you feel is valid. Want to cry? Cry! Are you angry? I don’t blame you—I am too!"

What would you say to your inner child?