What I Thought My Problem Was… vs What Was Actually Holding Me Back

I used to think I just wasn’t motivated enough.

I told myself things like:

– “I’m not consistent.”

– “I don’t have time.”

– “I keep procrastinating.”

– “Maybe I’m just not disciplined like others.”

But over time, I’ve learned that those weren’t the real problems. They were just symptoms, surface-level noise that distracted me from what was actually going on underneath.

What I Thought Was the Problem:

I thought I was lazy.

I thought I needed better time management, more willpower, or a stricter routine.

I thought I needed to push myself harder.

But when I slowed down and really looked within, I realized the truth was deeper.

What Was Actually Holding Me Back:

1. Fear — Not of Failing, But of What Happens If I Succeed

What if I got what I wanted and then lost it?

What if people expected more from me?

What if I couldn’t live up to the version of myself I was chasing?

Sometimes, fear doesn’t come as panic,it comes as delay. Disguised as “I’m not ready yet.”

2. Old Stories That I Didn’t Realize I Still Believed

Stories like: – “People like me don’t succeed.”

– “It’s too late for me to start.”

– “I always mess things up anyway.”

These beliefs were planted somewhere in my past  by others, by failure, or by fear but I had unknowingly made them my truth.

3. Pursuing Goals That Weren’t Truly Mine

At some point, I lost touch with what I really wanted.

I was chasing things that looked good on paper — not things that felt aligned in my soul.

That disconnect? It drained me. Even when I was working hard, I felt empty.

Unprocessed Emotions

I didn’t realize how much emotional clutter I was carrying — past regrets, fear of judgment, the weight of comparison.

You can’t build a future when you're still emotionally living in the past.

And no planner, productivity tool, or motivational quote can fix what a heavy heart is carrying.

So Why Wasn’t I Reaching My Goals?

Because I was solving the wrong problem.

I was trying to fix an emotional block with a to-do list.

I was treating symptoms.not the root.

What Helped Me Shift

I started asking deeper questions:

What am I really afraid of?

Whose expectations am I trying to meet?

Am I building a life that’s true to me, or a version of me I thought I had to be?

And slowly, things began to shift.

Sometimes it’s not that we’re unmotivated.

We’re just emotionally tired, spiritually misaligned, or carrying pain we haven’t named yet.

And the moment we stop blaming ourselves for “not trying hard enough” and instead start listening to what’s really going on inside is the moment we begin to move forward.

One honest answer at a time.

Life Skills I Wish Someone Taught Me in My 20s (That You Should Know by 30)

Your 20s are wild, full of new experiences, messy decisions, and figuring out who you are. I used to think I had to hustle hard, be liked by everyone, and have my life figured out by 30.

Now that I’m in mid of 30s, I realise this: there are skills I wish someone sat me down and taught me in my 20s, not just academic or technical ones, but emotional survival skills. These aren’t things you’ll find in textbooks, but they shape your peace, self-worth, and direction more than anything else.

Here are the life lessons I learned (mostly the hard way), and why they matter:

1. How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

In my 20s, I thought saying “yes” made me kind and easy to work with. What it really made me? Exhausted and often resentful.

> Why it matters: Your time and energy are not infinite. Saying “no” creates space for things (and people) that truly align with your values.

2. How to Manage Emotions Without Exploding or Numbing

I used to bottle things up until I broke down or lashed out. Emotional regulation isn’t about pretending to be okay — it’s about honestly understanding what you're feeling and handling it without self-destruction.

> Why it matters: Emotional maturity helps you avoid sabotaging relationships, careers, and your own wellbeing.

3. How to Cook a Few Good, Nourishing Meals

It’s tempting to live off delivery and instant noodles. I’ve done it. But eventually, your body (and wallet) pays the price.

> Why it matters: Knowing how to feed yourself well is a form of self-care and independence — and a basic life skill, not a luxury.

> If you still live with your parents and they cook —cherish it.Learn from them. Help them in the kitchen. Ask how they make your favourite dish.

One day, you’ll miss the way they cut vegetables, the smell of their curry, or the exact way they pack your lunch.

Knowing how to cook isn’t just a skill, it’s a way to carry love, culture, and memories forward.

4. How to Budget, Save, and Say No to Impulse Spending

No one told me that “looking rich” is different from being financially free. I learned the hard way through debt and regret.

> Why it matters: Financial peace buys you choices. Choices give you freedom.

5. How to Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely

In my 20s, I feared solitude. I thought being alone meant being unwanted. I get into many toxic relationships because of wanting someone to take care od me.But the most healing chapter of my life came when I embraced my own company.

> Why it matters: When you’re okay being alone, you stop settling for people who don’t deserve you.

6. How to Stand Up for Yourself

Whether in friendships, workplaces, or family  staying silent when something hurts you doesn’t make you “easygoing.” It makes you invisible to your own needs.

> Why it matters: Self-respect is built every time you speak your truth, even when your voice shakes.

7. How to Walk Away from Toxic People

Not everyone deserves a seat at your table, no matter how long you’ve known them. Loyalty has limits.

> Why it matters: Your mental and emotional health should never be the price of keeping someone in your life.

8. How to Take Care of Your Mental Health

In my 20s, I thought burnout was a badge of honor. I ignored anxiety, normalized sleeplessness, and said “I’m fine” way too often.

> Why it matters: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Rest, boundaries, and support aren’t signs of weakness — they’re survival.

9. How to Learn — and Unlearn

Your 20s are filled with “shoulds” from society, culture, or family. I wish someone told me it’s okay to unlearn beliefs that don’t serve you anymore.

> Why it matters: Growth isn’t just adding new knowledge — it’s releasing what no longer fits your life.

10. How to Accept Yourself, Fully

I spent too many years trying to be someone else’s version of “enough.” Now, I’m learning that healing is accepting yourself as you are, while gently improving who you want to become.

> Why it matters: Confidence doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from wholeness.

If you’re in your 20s and feel lost  you’re not behind. You’re becoming.

If you’re in your 30s and still figuring it out — so are we all. Growth is not linear. Life doesn’t follow a checklist. But with these skills, it gets lighter, richer, and more meaningful.

“But What If I Learn This Late — In My 30s or 40s?”

Then that’s exactly when you were meant to learn it.

Society loves to put pressure on timelines:

“You should have figured yourself out by 25.”

“You should be financially stable by 30.”

“You should be married by 25.”

But real life doesn’t work like that.

Some people find themselves at 19.

Some find themselves at 49.

Both are valid.

The reason we often say “learn this in your 20s” is not to shame late bloomers — it’s to offer prevention rather than recovery. But if you’re learning now — in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s you’re still ahead of many who never reflect at all.

Growth isn’t about age. It’s about awareness.

And once you're aware, you get to choose differently, and that’s where your real life begins.

So don’t worry if you’re “late.”

You’re right on time, for you.

From AI to Intuition: Where I Seek My Truth

Sometimes I ask ChatGPT, sometimes I ask my friend, sometimes I ask my partner, and sometimes… I just ask myself. All give different answers and I learn from all of them.

This line came to me one evening after asking the same question in four different ways, to four different "sources."

It wasn’t about getting the right answer.

It was about understanding how I felt about each one.

And that’s something I’ve only recently learned:

Clarity often doesn’t come from answers alone, it comes from seeing your question reflected back from multiple angles.

When I ask ChatGPT...

I get logic. Structure. Options.

It’s like having a super-organized friend who never gets tired of brainstorming.

Sometimes it gives me what I need to hear. Other times, it shows me what I don’t agree with — and that’s helpful too. Because knowing what you don’t want is just as important.

 When I ask my friend...

I get empathy. A real story. A lived experience.

They bring in nuance, emotions, personal examples and sometimes, tough love.

They remind me I’m not alone in this messy human experience.

When I ask my partner...

I get grounding.

A different viewpoint.

Someone who sees me beyond the situation and reminds me of my bigger picture.

Their opinion may not always match mine, but it always holds weight.

And when I ask myself…

I get truth.

The quiet kind. The one that shows up only when I pause the noise and listen.

It might not be instant. It might not be loud.

But it’s usually the one that sticks.

All answers are not equal — but all are valuable.

Sometimes the AI gives me facts.

My friend gives me warmth.

My partner gives me perspective.

My own intuition gives me peace.

And I’ve stopped believing I need to choose one over the other.

Instead, I’ve started asking myself:

“Which answer feels right for me, right now?”

Because advice is everywhere.

But wisdom is choosing what to carry forward.

You don’t have to pick between tech or human.

Between data or emotion.

Between outer advice or inner knowing.

There’s space for all of it — if you’re willing to listen.And the beauty is, even conflicting answers can help you get closer to your truth.That’s the real journey,not just in decision-making, but in becoming who you are.

It’s Not Just About the Calories — Why Weight Loss Feels So Damn Hard Sometimes

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things we don’t talk about enough. You know those quiet moments when you scroll past a quote that just… stops you? That happened to me recently. It said:

> “Sometimes, it’s not laziness or lack of discipline that makes weight loss hard — it’s everything else that people don’t see.”

And I felt that. Deeply.

Because behind every weight loss attempt is often a story that’s invisible: stress, sleepless nights, hormones out of whack, and the mental exhaustion of trying so hard without seeing results. So today, I wanted to share a few truths that don’t get talked about enough,especially for those who are doing “everything right” but still feel stuck.

Here are some lesser-known reasons why weight loss might feel like a constant uphill battle:

🧠 1. Chronic Stress

You can be eating clean and hitting the gym, but if your stress levels are through the roof, your body will fight you. When cortisol (your stress hormone) is high for long periods, your body holds onto fat especially around the belly.

Stress eating? It’s not just a “bad habit” — it’s biology trying to keep you safe.

Courtesy : Epel, E. S., et al. (2000). "Stress and body shape: Stress-induced cortisol secretion is consistently greater among women with central fat." Psychosomatic Medicine.

🌙 2. Poor Sleep

Sleep is where your body resets and repairs. Miss out on quality rest, and your hunger hormones (ghrelin and leptin) go haywire. You wake up tired, craving sugar, and your metabolism slows down. Suddenly, willpower alone just isn’t enough.

⚖️ 3. Metabolic Adaptation

Have you been dieting on and off for years? Your body may have adapted to lower calories. It's smart like that, trying to “save” you by slowing down calorie burn. That’s why long-term restriction can backfire.

💊 4. Medication Side Effects

Antidepressants, steroids, birth control — they all come with potential side effects that can make weight loss feel impossible. If this sounds familiar, it’s not your fault. Talk to your doctor, but also give yourself grace.

🧬 5. Hormonal Imbalances

Conditions like PCOS, hypothyroidism, or estrogen dominance don’t always show up loudly but they can quietly sabotage your efforts. Many go undiagnosed for years. If you feel “off” no matter what you do, it’s worth getting checked.

🦠 6. Gut Health Issues

Your gut controls more than digestion, it influences hunger, fat storage, even your mood. Bloating, cravings, and fatigue? Your gut might be crying out for help. Think probiotics, fiber, and fewer ultra-processed foods.

🍳 7. Not Enough Protein or Fiber

You could be eating clean but still under-eating nutrients that matter. Protein helps preserve muscle, and fiber keeps you full and supports your gut. These two can change the game — especially for women.

🧂 8. Hidden Calories

That smoothie you swear by? That salad dressing you love? They might be sneakily adding up. Even small, untracked bites (yes, even your kid’s leftovers) can stall progress over time.

🚶‍♀️ 9. Too Much Sitting

You might be exercising 30 minutes a day but what about the other 23.5 hours? NEAT (non-exercise activity thermogenesis) — things like walking, cleaning, standing — plays a big role in fat loss. Small movements matter more than we think.

🧠 10. Emotional Eating & Subconscious Beliefs

This one is deep. Sometimes, it’s not what’s on your plate — it’s what’s on your mind.

Unhealed trauma, stress, loneliness, even beliefs like “I’ll never lose weight, so why bother” can silently hold you back.

You can’t diet your way out of emotional hunger.

If You’re Struggling , It’s Not Just You

I wrote this because I wish someone had said it to me earlier:

If you’re feeling frustrated, stuck, or like you’re failing  you’re not. Your body is not broken. You don’t need more punishment. You might need to rest, to reflect, or to ask different questions.

Weight loss isn’t always about pushing harder.

Sometimes, it’s about looking deeper. And being kind to yourself along the way.

Clarity Begins with Curiosity

People don’t move forward in life just by going with the flow they move because, at some point, they wanted something deeply.

They believed they were worthy of more.

They believed they deserved more.

And most importantly they acted on it.

That’s when things begin to shift , one step at a time.

Now ask yourself, is there anyone who doesn’t want something out of life?

Of course not. We all want so many things.

But the real difference lies in how deeply we want it… and what we’re willing to do about it.

So why do many people stay stuck?

Not because they can’t move forward but because they’ve never taken the time or effort to truly figure out what they want.

Some are too distracted by the noise around them…

By voices whispering they’re not good enough, not deserving enough.

Some are too afraid of failing.

And some… are just too comfortable to ask themselves the hard questions.

But here’s the truth:

Clarity doesn’t come to those who wait.

It comes to those who seek.

Start where you are.

Want something.

Own it.

Act on it.

And life will begin to move.

“What if I don’t know what I want?”

Here’s the truth , you’re not alone.

Many people don’t know what they want because they’ve never been shown how to ask, or they’ve been too busy surviving to stop and reflect.

But not knowing isn’t the problem.

Staying there is.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Get curious, not critical.

Instead of saying “I don’t know what I want” like it’s a flaw, try saying:

"I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m open to exploring."

2. Pay attention to what feels alive.

What makes you lose track of time?

What sparks even a tiny bit of excitement, envy, or interest?

These are clues, don’t ignore them.

3. Try small experiments.

You don’t have to make a big decision.

Take small steps read a book, join a class, volunteer, talk to people in different fields.

Clarity comes from action, not just thinking.

4. Ask deeper questions:

What am I avoiding?

When did I last feel fulfilled?

If fear wasn’t in the way, what would I try?

5. Be okay with not having a big answer right away.

Sometimes, you just need to choose something for now, not forever. Purpose unfolds over time, especially when you stay open and intentional.

So if you don’t know what you want, that’s okay.

What matters is your willingness to start searching.

Not knowing is not the end.

It’s the beginning.

Anju Vanna Poo: The Five-Colored Flower of Life, Love, and Culture

Song

What is "Anju Vanna Poo"?

"Anju Vanna Poo" (அஞ்சு வண்ணப் பூ) literally translates from Tamil as the "five-colored flower." It represents more than just color — it's a metaphor for complexity, diversity, and depth, especially when describing a person, life’s phases, or emotional experiences.

Let’s imagine each color of the "Anju Vanna Poo" as representing a different part of the human experience:

Red – Passion & Love The fire in our hearts. The boldness of love — romantic or self-love. It's the courage to feel deeply.

Yellow – Joy & Childhood Bright and innocent, yellow is the sunshine of our memories, the laughter of being carefree.

Blue – Calmness & Introspection The color of the sky and the ocean, blue represents quiet moments, deep thoughts, and self-awareness.

Black – Pain & Resilience Often misunderstood, black is not just grief — it’s the depth of strength we discover in our hardest moments.

Green – Growth & Healing Green reminds us of nature, of rebirth and starting again. It’s the energy of moving forward and evolving.

Together, these five colors tell a story that is uniquely yours your own "Anju Vanna Poo."

Life as an Anju Vanna Poo

We often want life to be a single color simple and predictable. But life doesn’t work that way. It blooms like a multicolored flower.

Think about your own life:

A heartbreak that made you stronger? That’s your black petal.

A time you laughed till your stomach hurt? That’s yellow.

The love you felt for your first pet or your child? That’s red.

The quiet you crave on a rainy day? That’s blue.

The decision to begin again, no matter how hard? That’s green.

These are the colors that make you you.

A Cultural Bloom: Flowers in Tamil Expression

Tamil literature and songs are filled with floral metaphors from the Kurinji flower symbolizing love in Sangam poetry, to the lotus associated with purity and divinity.

"Anju Vanna Poo" fits into this poetic landscape as a way to describe a woman of grace and strength, or the emotional beauty of a soul that has seen all seasons of life.

What Are the Colors of Your Life Today?

The next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself: "What colors are blooming in me today?"

Are you feeling the red of desire, the blue of peace, the black of difficulty, the green of growth, or the yellow of joy?

You don’t have to be just one. You are the whole flower an Anju Vanna Poo blooming through time.

So let your life be colorful, and may every shade bring you closer to who you truly are.

Be Open — Let It Flow, Not Force

This morning, my husband reminded me of something beautiful.

He said, “Be open to opportunities. Be open to accept. Don’t force yourself into achieving, doing, or earning. Just be open. The universe will create a way and guide you there.”

It struck something deep in me  because it echoed a truth I’ve always believed in when it came to love.

I used to tell people, “I didn’t find love by chasing it. I found it when I stopped forcing and just opened my heart to knowing people sincerely.”

And it was true. I stopped dating with pressure, stopped overthinking, and just started being myself genuinely curious, honest, open. And love showed up. In the kindest, most natural way.

No control. No script. Just trust.

The same energy applies to everything:

Jobs

Friendships

Projects

Even money

When we loosen our grip, we allow space for magic.

When we stop obsessing over timelines and goals and “how things should happen,” we leave space for how they’re meant to happen.

So here's your reminder today:

Be open.

Receive without clinging.

Act without forcing.

Let go of the outcome.

And believe that the right things will find you  in work, love, or life when you’re ready to hold them.

Let life unfold. You don’t always have to push. Sometimes, you just need to allow.